Friends in Low Places

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy….like art….it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
                                                                                                 C.S. Lewis

 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

                                                                                                 Proverbs 17:17 (NIV)

 

A couple of weeks ago, I flew to Tampa, Florida where I met up with a group of close friends for our annual "guys weekend"....a yearly event that has become tradition....and maybe even legendary.  Now...to be sure...when seven guys get together -  who've known each other since high school and college -  things can get pretty crazy and spontaneous.  And spontaneity creates memories.  So we spend a ridiculous amount of time laughing about what happened on the last trip...and somewhere in all the madness....new "material" gets generated for the next trip.  And the cycle just repeats itself.  But underneath all the laughs and hysteria, there's a current of something more serious.   Without really looking or even paying attention....time has put its unique seal on our friendships.  After all....only time can serve up the hard stuff.    High school.  College.  Marriage.  Kids.  Divorce.  And loss.  Loss of jobs....wives....parents...health.  Even substance abuse and life-threatening illnesses have made their unwelcome introductions.  And now, as we slip (unwillingly at times) into middle-age, the thought has crept into our minds that there will come a day when one of us will be gone.  Before its said and done, this group of friends will have gone through it all....together. 

I couldn't help but ponder this institution called "friendship".    And naturally, as a pastor, I turned to scripture for answers to my questions.  What is the biblical model of friendship?  Does the Bible really address friendship at all?  Are there threads of truth about friendship that we find in scripture?  From my research, I picked two stories from the Old Testament as well as material on friendship from the Apostle Paul and Jesus himself. 

Story of Naomi and Ruth.  Naomi's family moves from Canaan to Moab due to famine in the Promised Land.  The family settles into life in their new territory and her sons married Moabite women….something that was frowned upon in Jewish culture. Tragically, Naomi loses her husband and her two sons.  She was barren, childless and in a foreign land.  Almost completely alone.  Almost.  She encourages her two daughters-in-law (Ruth and Orpah) to return to their homeland and their gods.  To understand the gravity of what Naomi was demanding, one must place themselves in that time.  All alone, Naomi's prospects would have been dim.  In order to keep from literally starving to death, she would have had to rely on the benevolence of strangers and outsiders...for the rest of her life.  There was no safety net in a modern-day sense.  Orpah complies with Naomi's request but Ruth refuses...and in Ruth 1:16 - 17 we read the famous passage where Ruth professes her loyalty.  She decides to stay by Naomi's side to Bethlehem.  She must have had much courage considering Ruth knew she would be an outcast there. 

Story of Job and his  friends.  The Book of Job is an amazing piece of literature.  Ancient as it is (over 2,500 years old) its complexity reads like poetry...or perhaps a Shakespearian play.  Throughout its 42 chapters, the author was trying to answer two big questions:  “Why does God permit evil and suffering?” and “Why do bad things happen to good people?”  In the story, Job was considered blameless and upright.  God “challenges” or dares Satan to "mess with Job" because God believes that Job will remain true to Him no matter what.  Next, a series of messengers tell Job that he has lost his family, livestock and crops.  Still Job does not curse God.  Then Satan inflicts a series of physical ailments that torture Job.  With boils, rashes and infections ravaging his body, Job cuts himself with shards of clay to distract his mind from the pain.  But despite his horrific condition, he still does not curse God.  Three of his friends come to see him and sit with him in silence for seven days while he mourns.  In ancient Jewish tradition, friends and family would sit, in silence, with mourners until the mourner himself broke the silence.  Job finally speaks and and then a dialogue/debate ensues as to the root cause of Job’s predicament.  His friends were loyal to a fault, but instead of sharing God’s grace with Job, his friends try to lecture and rationalize why something bad might happen to Job.  Even though his friends hurt him deeply, they are still his friends and at the end of the story we find them reconciled. 

 Apostle Paul and his friends.  Without his friends, Paul’s ministry may have been radically different.  I think we often get this image of Paul as a loner....traversing the Mediterranean, making tents and preaching the gospel like a street preacher.  But historical evidence paints a very different picture.  The Apostle was probably supported by a traveling road crew of sorts...as well as a growing network of friends in each city he visited.  Without people there is no ministry.  And Paul obviously relied heavily on other people as he mentions nearly 40 different friends throughout his letters.....with many of those ancient "shout outs" in Romans 16:3 - 16.  Certainly, his relationships with Timothy and Priscilla and Aquila are great examples of his close friendships.  Paul loved people, was interested in them...prayed for and supported them.  From his writings, Paul appeared to be the kind of friend we would like to have. 

Jesus and friendship.  Christians get insight into what Jesus thought about friendship through his sayings, parables and love for sharing a meal.  Just like we enjoy sharing  meal with our friends, so did Jesus.  But he went a step further.  He shared meals with everyone….whether they were his closest disciples or outcasts of society.  His love for meals especially shines through  in Luke.  One commentator wrote: “In Luke, Jesus was either going to a meal, leaving a meal or at a meal.  No wonder the Pharisees accused him of being a drunk and glutton”.  In a parable Jesus presents in Luke 11:5 – 8, Jesus tells the story of a friend who goes to someone’s house at midnight and asks for bread.  Although the main point of the parable is about the need for persistent prayer, it should not be lost or overlooked that the friend pounding on the door at midnight is not asking for bread for himself but for a friend that has traveled long and is hungry.  The obvious lesson is that our prayers should be persistent and about others….not ourselves. No surprise.  With Jesus, it was never about himself.  Above all, Jesus tells us outright that friendship is to be cherished.  Consider John 15:13:

 ¹³ No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends.

So....what is the message...the threads of truth we find running throughout these examples? 

Sacrifice.  Obviously, Jesus is the ultimate model of sacrifice.  His disciples were his friends and he died for them….as he did for all of humanity.  Jesus even says, with no shortage of clarity, that the greatest love is to lay down one’s life for his friends.  Although we may never be called to lay down our lives for friends, the message from Jesus is clear:  We are to put our friends ahead of ourselves. 

Prayer.  Jesus’ parable about the man knocking on the door at midnight is about the persistence of prayer.  Not prayer for ourselves….but prayer for others….as shown by the actions of the man in the parable.

Loyalty.  Perhaps the greatest lesson about friendship in the Bible.  When Job had lost everything, his friends Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar were there by his side...in seven days of silence.  When Naomi was left alone without a husband or children, it was Ruth that refused to leave her.  When Paul was weary from this travels and discouragement, it was Timothy, Priscilla and Aquila that lifted his spirits.  When Jesus’ heart was heavy, struggling with the unavoidable crucifixion….his disciples were there to share a final meal with him.

True friends are the ones that are with you in the low places.                              

One of the best modern-day stories about friendship is the collegiate friendship that developed between C.S. Lewis and JRR Tolkien (author of The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings).  Without that friendship, C.S. Lewis could have very well remained an atheist.  Because of Tolkien however, Lewis would come to know God and accept Jesus Christ as his Savior.  Lewis, of course, would then go on to become one of the greatest theologians of our time…producing classics such as Mere Christianity and Chronicles of Narnia.   Friends can and do make a difference.

Our true friends are the ones who will make sacrifices for us….who will pray for us….who will be right by our sides during the darkest of times.  Our prayer should not be that we will have such friends….but rather that we will be that kind of friend to someone else.